Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

11:24 p.m. - 2008-06-04
THE WRATH OF MY HEART
It's never going to end, is it?
I don't know what to do....
I didn't understand....
I thought something else.
I thought WRONG. I'm an idiot.
How many times am i gonna fall for this?
I might as well admit how I'm feeling,
or fall back into where i was.
My life isn't worth living if this much PAIN is in it.
And with only like seven days of school left
my life is....kind of over.
and he doesn't even GET IT.
that's it. I'm DONE. never going back.
I don't need this.
It's over.

11:54 p.m. - 2008-05-30
i had him for a SECOND
Midnight is approaching.
it's been awhile...
i've been around...
don't remember what i wanted.
just know that i got it. at least half.
and losing it- well, it's keeping my sadness ALIVE
just because i knew his game
gave me a second chance, but i said no.
i'm LAME. yet i can't go back.
this is the worst. i've ever felt.
you don't know what you have till you've LOST it.
i'm sick inside, wanted to die,
yet i can't help remembering....
that brick wall
that sunshine
those lips and
those eyes.
woah, like i LIKED it<3

1:43 p.m. - 2008-03-22
prolonged obsession
i woke up an hour and 43 mins ago,
can I make it through the whole day:
I don't know. but i've already turned down bacon, meat.
i wanna go veg again.
i wanna sleep.
CxL is in no way out of my head.
going back to school; i won't dread.
oh yeah, it's spring break but without the flash. Let's see how long i can last.
before i decide to get some food in here.
i cant; i won't. it's something i fear.
and tomorrow is easter; it's practically here. how to stay away from:
the chocolate, the candy!
I'll do it for you, C. I'll give it all away
or maybe we can eat it on another day.
all i can say is: Je t'aime

10:13 p.m. - 2008-03-04
i love C to the 2nd power L?
You've taken your eye off the ball......
what was supposed to be my purpose this year? i didn't have one, did I?
and if it was, it was definitely not what I'm thinking about now.
and it wasn't to avoid socialization in the morning at all costs.
When I think about what I would say if the last year me could see me now...
What...Am...I...Doing?!
still hanging out with K's buds? She's gone, DROP them!
being quiet again? So go crazy, you have nothing to lose!
obsessing over people who think you don't even care? Unless it's A to the 2nd power J, then be like Giusseppi and fuhgetaboutit!!
well, at least you push yourself. into things like the cw club. The Spectrum.
all your human emotion you screwed just to get to this spot. not to mention the place that this all started.
so here goes...
avenge yourself!

12:50 a.m. - 2008-02-26
Personality Disorder Test
and this, this is why i have to change my life....
DisorderRating
Paranoid Disorder:High
Schizoid Disorder:High
Schizotypal Disorder:High
Antisocial Disorder:Low
Borderline Disorder:Very High
Histrionic Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:Very High
Dependent Disorder:High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --

12:36 p.m. - 2008-02-23
ACTION!
I'm finally starting to realize,
that, in life, if you want something,
you have to go out, and GET IT.
no thinking.
no mourning.
no swaying over the impossible.
just DO IT.
if you want someone to know something,
TELL THEM.
if you wanna talk to someone,
TALK.
if you wanna lose weight, then
STOP EATING.
and stop thinking. only then will you have what you truly want.
because thinking is the enemy of creativity.
i may be going to a free movie today,
i may not.
im not going to dwell over it.
i may have more to do with a certain person next weekend. i may not.
spur of the moment, anyone?

12:06 a.m. - 2008-02-19
French understand true romance
February is the month of love, isn't it?
or just the month of discovery.
of who we love. or what we love.
what do i love?
-things like chris angel and david blaine
-the fact that my stomach is now as flat as i could want, and i'm not even hungry.
-rigorous things that make you want to pass out, while having the time of your life.
piercings have captured my attention
-people who liek you for some strange reason
-second chances
-and of course, music. inspiration.
school has given me another chance. to live.
Vivre

9:04 p.m. - 2008-02-08
Toxic Emotions
emo: people who need a hug. A BIG, WARM hug.

i need a hug.....who doesn't?
they're not overrated. and neither is the concept once "emotional" but now deemed
lame and poser-ish.
well im not that poser. but i think anyone who's set off worse than me should not be....victimized.
when the feeling of a life of desolation is incontrovertible.
sometimes it can't be helped...
and the only way to deal is with emotional and/or physical mutilation.
Devastation.
to those who didn't want this.
i don't want this......
who'd give anything to be captivated.
delighted by life itself.
instead of wasting away
praying for a better day
then we'll be okay, someday....

-the popular media has associated emo with a stereotype that includes being emotional, sensitive, shy, introverted, or angsty. It is also associated with depression, self-injury, and suicide. -

8:13 p.m. - 2008-01-29
Revelation
the time is now. everything i haven't done.
everything i NEED to do....
it's all so clear.
yet so foggy. sick of lunch. can't starve.
everything will fall into place.
final salvation. The Spirit of Vengeance.
it's all so easy...yet so hard.
like self-control.
it's sad some people do like me, i bet.
i'll take the opportunities i get
i won't discriminate great from small
I'll go for anyone,
if they're old or young,
I'll do anyone at all <3

2:15 p.m. - 2008-01-26
Schizophrenic Saturday
It's over. the semester...
new classes soon. i don't remember spanish :/ uh-oh.
it's not over. it can't be
I'll try to do it right this time around
but not even thinking about that rite now...

fifty bucks<3
wet seal is calling me
i will use it there and there only.
meanwhile POTTERpuppetpals is hardcore sweet
gossip girl is on hand.
all i want is everything

Let's Get Jackets :D

12:16 a.m. - 2008-01-21
like WHOA
Life is good i can't complain.
wait...life is horrible. A and C were annoying the crap outta me. well, i was fine with it, until my account reached 3.40
so i was screwed
then i looked up unlmtd txtin on vxl
i'm sooo screwed. life is unpleasureable
i feel liek i might collapse...
right here...right now. on my bed.
so comfy....
or maybe i'll just play pokemon. while thinking...about them. all of them. and all of you.
gnight <3

 

previous - next

 

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!