2:46 p.m. - 2010-11-29
Doll up and sleepwalk.
And this... this is my fucking inspiration:
"Over a year ago, I water fasted for 45 days (that means: only consuming water, nothing else) starting at 165 pounds and ending at 110. I have YET to gain a single pound back."
and thats all i wanted to say :)
12:54 a.m. - 2010-11-27
Yahneek. Teelhor. Heckyeah.
Don't really know why im writing a new entry cause nothing too important's really changed...
but its been awhile. im 19.
and i can finally say that and remember it.
this semester of college is okay..
started out traumatic, but ended up..okay.
im in a good mood ! right now, anyways.
deathly hallows was a success, and if david yates can get off crack, then i can be a confident happy individual.
i....need a boyfriend.
i wish tony perry was my next door neighbor. if only, if only...
but i mean, someone'll come along.
after all, im ut. itll happen.
12:19 p.m. - 2010-06-23
Wish I Was As Sexay As Kat Graham ;D
How does time pass so quickly between these darn entries ???
Is it already the summer of my 18th year..
Anyways, idk how i feel about things at the moment.
It's summer. I'm taking summer classes. Theyre alright. Even though i've lost friends/ kicked ppl out of my life, it is mostly satisfying.
And here's the bombshell.
I don't know how I feel. About anything. About my weight, my self esteem, my certain underage someone that I decided was "just a friend" when I shouldve pounced.
Nothing.
I do know that he is an attractive underage someone. And that it would be hypocrisy for us to date. And that my body has gotten to be what any normal person would call unattractive... but i tell myself its fine.
When I shouldn't.
However, through this painful, DRAMA filled year of college... i have learned more than I did maybe the first four years of high school.
And for the first time there is no doubt in my mind that things will get better for me.
Because the point is...
I know who I am now.
12:23 a.m. - 2010-04-27
The Beginning of the Rest of My Life
Was that really what I wanted? A beginning ?
If so, I guess that was what I got in my own way. ha.
Maybe the reason that I got involved with so many losers is because I was a loser myself...? Maybe I still have a bit of loser in me.
Anyways, this one was even worse if anything. Because he was nothing. He was so irrelevant I'm neglecting to even add his name in my entry.
Moving on...I'm kind of at a point where a lot of things are happening and I can't obsess over them...
specifically, i finally got away from a certain satanlike someone.
and i finally got into a new flirty nice friendly someone.
and im styll waiting to see a certain underage someone ;)
I'm kind of sitting back and being chill. Waiting for something bigger to happen. In two short weeks my first year of college will be over.
And I think even now, that it was something good.
10:27 p.m. - 2010-01-20
Oh, Cruel Attention (or lack thereof)
Button, oh button, oh where hath thou fled?
Did thee tarry too long amongst fabric and thread?
Did thee roll off my bosom and cease to exist?
How I wish I could follow thee into the midst...
needless to say, i am lost again.
i feel like everything ive ever learned should have helped me up to this point.
but ive never been in this situation before. either im going to do something i regret, or im going to suffer.
and i.cant.stand it.not anymore.
its like he doesnt even care,
like how dyou make someone care about you?????
ive never had this problem ever before... but i feel like i have to take a risk.
and whatever happens happens,
but i hope it all goes well.
because tonight, ill pray for the first time in idk how long.
ill pray....for a beginning.
9:05 p.m. - 2010-01-15
I'm Still Here Breathing Now :)
ahh im going to say something thats hardly ever been said up here: thank God.
thank god for tcc,
thank god for 2010,
and thank god for me not being the stupid idiot retard that i once was at seventeen. and sixteen.
because moving on feels so much better.
and i kind of did get my revenge ;D
but ohh as much drama that goes on,
its so worth it to have someone else that likes you.
even if it is your friend's ex.
but hey... if this is what it takes,
SO BE IT.
nothing can hold me back.
