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11:22 a.m. - 2019-05-15
Some Updates / Mood Changes
I'm bored at work so I figured I'd write a positive entry for once. It's Wednesday but the last day of the week for me, because me and B are going to hyperfest and having a 4 day weekend. Exciting!
It's crazy, I've had a boyfriend for 6 months? Insanity.
Anyways, he's super nice. Makes me feel great. I basically live at his house. The only issue is that sometimes he is more into his friends than me. Idk. I'm trying to talk to them more. It's hard, because I don't really see anyone or have the massive support system that I used to have when I worked at the bux.
But this job is OK. It's a mess, and obviously isn't functional. But I feel like as long as I seem like I'm working hard and just keep asking questions even if I'm doing a bad job, it'll be fine. I want to save up money and get a house, or just any other space to live. But i want it to be my own.
I do really love B. I find our relationship really rewarding when I am stressed. My family likes him. He's "the one that got away" or whatever and I finally have him. I trust him. I love travelling together. It feels good.
In other news, my hair is growing and I have no clue what to do with it. I kinda want to get braids. I kinda wanna straighten it, or get a weave. But I know that will destroy it and / or make me lazy when it comes to dealing with my hair. I want to sustain and nourish it, so that it will keep growing and I will look natural. I'll figure it out before myrtle in August.
Anyways, back to work.
xo

11:27 a.m. - 2019-04-22
2019 Begins
Oh, how things change.
I'm writing this from my new job, the one I went through all that unpaid training for. Only it's not really the same as my new job. It's completely different than what I was promised or even mildly interested in.
I am getting sent to do a bunch of things I'm confused about and don't understand. I was learning a little about testing and getting the hang of it, but now idk what I'm doing.
I wish I hadn't signed a year long contract with these people. At the same time I'm making money, having fun with B and genuinely a little bit happier than I was, maybe.
I don't want to go back to not having any money. But I also feel "duped" into this position, something I have no interest in doing and it keeps steering farther and farther away from being anything tech related. That part is annoying. That part is what makes me think I will not be able to do this for another 9 or 10 months.
Then again, I could be in a whole new different position by then. Then again, I really don't wanna switch positions several different times. I'm over it.
Maybe I'm just being stuck up. I'm getting paid. I should just deal with whatever. But I want to feel confident about what I'm doing, at least mildly. It's all too confusing and unstable.
I wish I had a sense of security, and I do not. I don't want to get fired but at the same time I would not care, the stress is getting to me and if I make a mistake, oh well, this environment breeds mistakes.
Here's to hoping things get a little better.
xo

 

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