10:24 p.m. - 2020-11-17
Lacking in hormones
Writing this from a hotel in NJ, a tag along on one of B’s work trips. Barely anything has happened and yet, so much that I need to write an entry to track it.
OH. Also, I’m engaged. Feels crazy.
I ditched birth control about a week ago, after long discussion of options. No super side effects yet, but some changes in me.. not sure if it’s because of the hormones or not.
Thanksgiving is in about a week, and I’m excited but also feel like my life is lacking in some areas.
This feeling has creeped up on me the last few days, like I feel like I am less than I used to be. I am very nostalgic for my old memories of friends and people I was close with.
I feel like all I wanted was someone to date and be stuck with but now at the thought of marriage, it’s like who is there to celebrate with. I do appreciate being almost married, but would like to keep myself in the process?
I’m supposed to get a cert for working and have been almost completely slacking in that department... it’s making me second guess my life.
Most of these feelings are new/were less pronounced a week ago. Not sure if it is because of any side effects or if it’s the real me.
I don’t really have any action plans on the friend thing. I love B in my life so, we’ll see.
6:30 p.m. - 2020-08-19
Month 8 - Quarantine Continued
A month after my last entry I got a 'mini promotion' of sorts putting me on a team with a psychopath i'll refer to as G.
For the past few months, I have tried to stay on top of work, been stressed about 2 week deadlines, been on endless calls and finally have complained. And today, I got told that I will be moved in about 2 months.
It feels nice knowing I used my 'voice' to get what I wanted. And I'm getting moved into automation test cases. Not sure how it will go.
My relationship is blossoming. I have a new apartment, but feel very broke.
Cannot believe I will be 29 in less than a month. Even though I feel old, I guess I am doing pretty okay. No kids or marriage, but stable job, nice place, some mild cooking skills.... Its going good.
My hair is growing, it's dyed a nice color. I do miss my family a little, thinking about getting a pet?
I feel like if I put some effort into this automation thing I could make it a real career.
Quarantine/ the virus is still ongoing. feels like it will never end and I just want to go to the movies again? Definitely wanted to hit up christmas town this year.
Anyways back to cuddling and watching catfish.
10:15 a.m. - 2020-03-21
It’s a Saturday. A lot has happened in 3 months.
I went from trying to plan vacations, being super happy and wanting to move. To honesty not knowing if I will be allowed outside a month from now?
I’m allowed to work from home which is good I guess. I find myself having constant anxiety about this virus. I also have a cough. It’s scary but going away. Idk. I also feel extremely unhappy, just in general. Maybe just today.
My relationship while stable isn’t super great. Sometimes it feels like he’s so mad at me. And sometimes I’m mad for days. Idk if that’s normal.
I also feel like a different person and I miss the old me. I miss being in shape and finding myself attractive and having my own priorities. I’m also just older now, so maybe it’s that.
I really want this virus to be over so I can stop being stressed. Just the idea that I can’t leave is freaking me out. I’m gonna have a ton of work next week so... I’ll be busy.
Hoping things get better soon in every way.
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